CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY TELLS US ARGUABLY THAT TRAUMA IS THE ULTIMATE KILLER. MEMORIES ARE NOT RECYCLE LIKE ATOMS AND PARTICLES IN QUANTUM PSYCHICS THEY CAN BE LOST FOREVER. IT'S SORT OF LIKE MY PAST IN AN UNFINISHED PAINTING AND AS THE ARTIST OF THAT PAINTING. I MUST FILL IN ALL THE UGLY HOLES AND MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL AGAIN. IT'S NOT THAT I'VE BEEN DISHONEST, IT'S JUST THAT I LOATHE REALITY.
I know that in life everybody at some point goes through certain situations that are horrible and impossible to rap our heads around. At the end of the day we all hurt the same. When it comes to the past and the tragedies that happened it's never okay to act like you had it worse than the next person. Situations are different, yes, but when it comes to emotions we all feel the same and handle things in the same types of ways.
With that being said, I've had my fair share of horrible situations. They put a big set back on my life and I missed out on the mental and emotional development from age 15 to age 18. All my therapists agree that when it comes to the bottom line, I have the mental structure as a 15 year old but a soul of a 40 year old. There's tons of things that I missed out on and there's a lot of things I should've learned in school that I haven't. No shame, these things happen. I've always been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
What I'm trying to get around to is that even though we have those ugly skeletons hanging in our closet we can still reach our dreams in life. It's not over. There's too much goddamn beauty to quit. You need to take baby steps to regain your balance in this crazy world and in life. You don't always get what you want. You're always going to lust after the things that you can't have. You just have to look back on the the situations that have gotten you to where you are today. Don't let it discourage you. Don't think negatively about any of the bullshit or the drama. Your weaknesses have provided you with a certain path in life. You just need to bite the bullet and get to it.