So I decided to take a little trip into the city tonight. Lancaster city. It's where my dreams once went to die and I let myself get taken away by the fast life. I made many mistakes in that city and my name co-signed with a horrible reputation. Yet, it's a part of me and will always be.
I got invited to go out with a few friends so I decided to get dolled up (aka did the whole hobo chic look) and go experience life as a real 21 year old. My thing is, I'm not a normal 21 year old and I never will be.
If those streets could talk... I swear it would be the end of me. I've already got enough people in Lancaster to do that dirty work for me. Reputation is a horrid thing. It's like impossible for anyone to have a 100% good one. Especially in this town with these people. Make one mistake and it stays on your record forever. It haunts you.
With that being said, going into the city is something I attempt to avoid as much as possible.There are a lot of people there who hold a lot of horrible memories and who are waiting for their chance to bring me down. I don't want to be relevant to those individuals anymore. I want to blend into the crowd and create a new persona of myself.
In reality, no one realizes that I'm not that young drunk girl anymore. I'm over 3 years sober, in college with a complete different look. I hate how people will hold past events over someone's head and never see them for who they molded into.The bad things are easier to believe, I guess. No one wants someone else to have a great life. Everyone waits around for you to mess up so they can rub it in your face.
I'm here to say that that's not going to happen. Not to me. I'm a different person now. I'm brand new. You may not like it and you may want to go over the memories of me in your head to pick a bad one to spit out at me. It won't break me. I laugh at it all now. I was young, an alcoholic, insecure and I finally hit my bottom and I got help. You may not believe in change but I'm living proof that change happens. I will forever avoid toxic people. I won't let them anywhere near me anymore. I surround myself with people who are positive and people who only have nice things to say about me. People who respect me and the choices I made to get better and the choices I continue to make.