It's been almost 3 years. You were just 21 years old, you were my age and your life was taken away. Your body couldn't handle anymore of the disease, I guess. I remember the day you told me you thought you had cancer because you had a lump in your armpit. I also remember laughing it off. You were 19 at the time, you were too young for something so serious. You never told me that you were dying. I wasn't there for you and I should've known. We stopped talking for the whole year leading to your death and I hate that. I wish you would have just told me. I wish I could've been there for you. I know your heart belonged to someone else and you knew my heart was too damaged to even consider the possibility again. My heart will forever be damaged. You and I already knew that, but now it's damaged because you're not here anymore.
I remember staying up all night and just talking. I would tell you the horrible things about my past and you would tell me yours. You're to this day the only person who cared enough about me to be there and you did what no one else did, you listened to me. You took care of me. I miss driving fast in your car at night time. It was you and I and the wind in my hair with the stars shining down on us. I miss watching those horror movies that made me cringe and you would wrap me up in your arms and laugh at me, but you told me i'll be okay. I remember you would take me to the tattoo shop with you and we would hang out and I would tell you all my ideas for what I wanted and you would laugh. I drove pass that tattoo shop the other day. It's not there anymore. You're not here anymore.
I know you can hear me when I talk to you when I can't sleep at night. I know that you're watching over me. I just wish that you were here to see who I am today. You would be so proud that I'm not drinking anymore. I wish I could see you now. You were the only person in my life that was on my side. You were routing for me to get better. I use to love hanging out with your friends, now when I see them when I'm out, we make eye contact and in that second I know your name is going through both our heads as we look away.
When I went to that psychic I didn't think it was real. I was desperate for just something to tell me that you're still here. I felt you in the room that night. While she was talking I felt like you were right there. Everything she was saying was like it was coming from your mouth. I thank you so much for giving me that.
I just miss you so goddamn much. The one guy who ever gave two shits about me was taken away. I just want to hear your laugh one more time. Just one more. I want to hug you and tell you I miss you and tell you all about how amazing I've been doing and about how much I've changed. I guess I gotta put all that into faith and believe that you are up there and you can see how much I've changed