Anyone who knows me knows that I've never been in love before. I've felt love for boyfriends, but never been head over heels, can't imagine my life without you kind of love. I can tell you what I do love. I love pictures I have with ex-boyfriends. I think it's because I look happy, because I was. It's not a creepy "I miss you so much omg" type of thing. I just love how damn happy I look.
I miss that. I mean if you took away the bullshit and difficult situations I was so happy. I think there's something amazing in being so close with someone like that. That one person you text first when something crazy happens, or to say good morning and goodnight. The one person who you confide in with your secrets and have trust that they'll keep it hidden within them.
I do miss being in a relationship. The boyfriend above I decided to "attempt" to keep his identity unknown. It's not that we're on bad terms or anything. We're just nothing. We're not friends, we're not enemies, we've just become strangers. I think that's the saddest thing in a relationship. When your best friend, the person you're so close to all of a sudden becomes a person you know nothing about.
I will FOREVER care about each one of my serious boyfriends. I hate holding grudges and feeling hate towards someone who you use to care about. I try to be mature and take it as it is and understand that it just didn't work. There's only one serious boyfriend who I have harsh feelings towards. I hate it but he decided to betray our post relationship friendship and he decided to be immature. He's into drugs again and hanging around the wrong crowd the last time I heard. I do wish him well even though I don't very much care for him.
I think that's the craziest thing about relationships; emotions. Emotions are powerful things. If you use them in the wrong situations then it can destroy lives. But if you use them in the perfect situations then it can change your life for the better. If put in the wrong hands in the wrong situations, it's like a ticking time bomb. You need know whens the right time to give your heart away. I've chosen horrible times, obviously. I know better now. It will happen when it happens. Being patient with fate is getting old, but I'll play this game.