I keep having this reoccurring dream. I'm driving, I don't know where I'm going, but I keep driving and driving.I look at my rear view mirror and I see the town I created a name for myself, both good and bad, and it keeps getting smaller and smaller. I feel free and I feel like I am on to a better life. It's one of those dreams where you wake up a little and try to get back to sleep to stay in that world.
I don't know what it is about Lancaster, but I don't like it. I'm sure every town is the same, but this town is the one the ruined me. Every time I drive through the city, I get flashbacks of the life I use to live. When I'm driving the back roads, random memories pop up in my head. Everywhere I turn, it's a memory attached to what I see, some good but mostly bad.
When the people in my graduation class were enjoying their senior year with friends and writing to colleges, I was in a mental hospital learning how to live again. When the people in my graduation class were at college, I was at rehab and a halfway house learning how to be normal. I'm not ashamed of being institutionalized at all. It was almost like my get away from this horrible town. Those places saved my life. Those places also taught me that there is more to life than this stupid town. There's a whole world out there and I don't plan on being a lifer here.
The dream that I continue to have is amazing to me. I don't feel free right now. I feel the complete opposite. The medication, the mental health issues, the family craziness, and dealing with my past. I've got to stay strong when all I want is to feel free. I want to be happy, I don't care about money, I hate money, I don't care if I'm living in a box. As long as I'm happy then I've made it.
Have you ever had a dream that you've woke up from and couldn't stop thinking about it?