When you're younger you think that you have the whole world in your hands. People are telling you to prepare for growing up and you just laugh it off. You feel as if you are special and invincible and none of the world's heartaches will reach you. When you're younger you never understand how tricky the world can be how how it doesn't give a shit who you are, it will do what it wants. You may say that they never prepared you for this. They tried.
Being 21 is suppose to be a blessing in itself. It's the one epic age everyone dreams of reaching. They make it out to be like some fairy tale. People put on a brave face. That's one thing I've learned. Everyone attempts to create some sort of persona of themselves to everyone else. No one wants others into their lives to seek out the horrible things that they hide in their closet at night. No one is perfect, yet everyone aims to be and tries to convince everyone else they are. I don't understand this at all.
I want to be honest and I want to be myself. I don't want to hide all of my flaws and secrets and I don't want to be one of "those girls." Trust me, I know I'm no catch right now. It's not that I'm not confident, it's just I'm not in the right place for a guy to look at me and say "oh my god, what an amazing catch, I couldn't imagine a better girl!" Not going to happen. I am 21 years old, I don't have a car, I don't have a job, I don't even have my permit or my license. The only thing I have going for me is the time I put into going to college. I'm the opposite of the normal girl. The "normal" girl, has a car and a license and a job, but may not be going to college.
It doesn't bother me at all anyway. I much rather be single and worrying about myself and school than dealing with the mess that comes with relationships. The guys I've dated have taught me a lot about myself. You should never be with a man that makes you cry within the first month of dating or knowing him. You shouldn't be with someone that creates conflict in your life either.
I've never been in love. I've heard great things about it though. I heard that it's something that you just know when you know. It takes your breath away. I hope someday I'm lucky enough to have that. I've had love for someone, and I've told ex's that I loved them but it wasn't real. I just liked the idea of love and put myself in a state of dreaming. To me, love is something that doesn't fade away. It's that one person that you can't get over. I've gotten over all my ex's and I don't give them a second thought.
Love will find me someday. I'm positive of it. Just not now in my life.