Q; Can you ever be "just friends" with an ex?
Yes & No.
T H I S L O V E
Listen, I've had a lot of potential relationships and a couple of the real deal relationships. Am I friends with any of my exes? Not really. I am friends with some of the potential relationships (ie: those silly 2 month 'try and fail' relationships) just because we realized that being friends was a lot better than trying to continue down the road to hell that we created. So, it was mutual and I praise them every time I see them happy with another girl. I am genuinely happy that they are happy. So this is the yes part. There is a great chance that you will be able to establish a friendship out of an almost lover that ended on good terms. Hell, I call some of my almosts with relationship questions and they do the same. Sometimes it just works.
A L M O S T L O V E R S
With that being said, there are those almost lovers that have compromised your emotions in a way that makes you look at them as a different person. You got hurt. You got lead on. You got cheated on. RED FLAG - Delete those horrible people off every social media site and delete those 10 digits out of your smart phone. These people didn't care about you to the potential you could have been cared about at the time when you were giving your all. They don't deserve the 20 minutes of initial sadness you will feel. They do deserve the eternal grudge that will attach itself to that person, but take it easy. You don't need to go tell the world about how horrible they are. My father has always told me, "never let them know what you're thinking." There's something smart in that. Every person on this planet wants to be thought about in some way, good or bad, so don't give that to them. LET ME BE BLUNT - you two will never be friends. How they made you feel will forever attach itself to that person. It's over; dunzo. Move on.
F I R S T L O V E
I don't mean to be super blunt when it comes to this, but do not ever let yourself believe you can be just friends with a first love. Ever. Ever. Ever. That one person helped shape who you are today. They taught you lessons and they pushed and pulled your emotions and beliefs into a lose lose tug of war fight. You figured out what you want out of life and better yet what you deserve out of life from this person. They are a special part of your life. That one person you won't ever forget and in some sad cases, the one that got away. BUT MELISSA, WHY WON'T THIS WORK OUT? You know this person inside and out. You've shared so many good memories and in most cases some not so good memories. You love them for their flaws and for the way they smiled at you the night you had your first kiss with them. THAT DOESN'T SOUND SO BAD - It's toxic. Those feelings of a first love is scared into your heart. It won't go away. Jealousy and bad intentions are what flair up from such a past relationship. The what if's begin to surface and that new person that they're taking pictures with and posting all over social media just fuels this fire. A friendship is doomed with your first love. I'm sorry to tell you this. You deserve better and someone refreshing. Drama free. Someone who is on the same level as you. Someone you can share new memories with.
At the end of the day it's very hard to determine if you can be just friends with an ex. It all comes down to the type of ex that they are and the way the relationship ended. Make good choices. Keep your heart on lock.
This is for you | Those of you who stuck by my side through the craziness that was our lives | Those of you who will forever only have nice things to say about me. | Those of you who lived the fast life with me as we tried to understand our place in the world. | This is for those of you who made me smile and mended my heart. | It was never easy, but goddamn it was so much fun. ♡
I know I've been selfish for the past couple of months. I haven't talked or hung out with any of my friends. I've got a lot on my plate right now, so I'm just trying to fix myself up so I can be there for you and be the friend that you want. I've been missing the old days and how things used to be. I decided to go through my millions of hours of video footage to put together some of my favorite memories of the people who I was close to.
I miss you all so so so much, I'm sorry I've been absent from your lives and I'm sorry if it seems that I don't care, cause I do. You all mean the world to me. I wouldn't be who I am today without each and every one of you. I love you all, even though it may feel vacant to you at the moment. I will never ever forget those of you who stood by my side and who helped me write the story of my life.
Lady gaga got her septum pierced.
For being a trend setter miss gaga is a little behind on the septum train. When I was in high school getting your septum pierced was like "the super cool thing" to do. Now everywhere you go you see someone with one. I love the look on her, she totally gets away with it, but just to rain on the "OMG LADY GAGA GOT A SEPTUM" parade now teenie boppers are all going to have theirs done. It's going to be an ongoing trend and it's going to get old real fast, just like it did post scene queen days.
I've had mine since I was 15 years old. I went through it being the cool thing to the 'oh, you still have your septum pierced?" I guess now I'm back on the trendy train thanks to miss gaga.
I try to not follow trends too much. If I see something that I like then I take hold of it and I don't let it go. I mix everything. One day I'll look like I just rolled out of bed and the next like I just climbed out of a 'hipster' dumpster. I don't put much on labels or calling others out on what they find beautiful. If you think something is beautiful then go for it. Be bold. Be yourself and let others be themselves as well. Just for the love of god don't be a sheep and just do something because you think it's the cool thing to do. Do it because you love it.
me via 15 years old
Dogs are the most amazing creatures on this planet, in my opinion. I'm obsessed with Old English Sheepdogs and I'm fortunate enough to have two of them. Oliver is my sister's dog, but Stanley, he was the first huge purchase I made in my adult life. He is my best friend. If you don't own a dog, then you have no idea what I'm talking about, but if you do then I know you are on the same page as me.
I watched him grow up from a puppy to the two year old he is today. He drives me crazy and he is purposely an asshole to me. I swear, if he could he would give me the middle finger sometimes. He's so stubborn and throws a fit when he can't have what he wants but I love every single part of his personality.
How could you stay mad at that face? It's impossible. He sleeps in my bed with me and I will talk to him about everything. Dogs are amazing because they can pick up when you're not feeling well and no matter what you do or say they love you and are always happy to see you. I tell him things I don't tell anyone. He's my little monster. I love him. He's always with me. He's a pain in the ass some days but that's what makes him so fun, there's never a dull moment.
Right now in my life my main focus is on school and my mental health. I don't really have room for a relationship. I just couldn't deal with that drama. Don't worry, I get my drama fix from reality TV. Sleeping alone isn't my favorite thing. I miss laying in bed with a boyfriend and just talking until I drift off to sleep. Sometimes in life you have to give up things. Right now for me that is having a boyfriend.
Health and school are my #1 priorities. I can't let myself slip into a relationship and begin to drift away from my life goals right now. I never finish anything I start, but this time I want to. Online school is COMPLETELY different than going to school on campus. You have to learn self discipline and you have to keep to a schedule or you'll fall behind. I tried the whole relationship thing last summer while I was doing school and it showed. My grades were suffering because I was trying to be there for my boyfriend and give him the time he wanted and I would just blow off certain assignments.
In life you don't always get what you want. I want a relationship but I know I need to finish school. I've never gotten anything I wanted out of life besides an amazing family. I wasn't born with a silver spoon and I love that. My family have taught me that you have to work hard for what you want. That you may have to give up something you really want in order to get something you need. Some families don't have this distilled in them. I'm fortunate enough to have two very strong parents who have been through hell and back to provide for their family.
In the future I know I will find my soul mate. As for right now, I'm going to make sure I'm ready for that day.
Sounds fun, right? Not always.
Oh, online dating. It's our generation's version of finding true love. We don't "court" each other anymore and golly, meeting people in person is just too hard.
I have dipped my feet in the whole online dating thing. I mean, it works for some people I just happen to be one of the lucky many that it doesn't work out for. I've gotten dates from the websites, but all my dates have been just like the disaster dates you see in movies.
Once you make a profile, you start getting messages. Once you sift through the guys who are just looking to have a good time, you can find some great catches. While you're talking to someone online, just remember, they're saying all the good parts about themselves, so don't go giving your heart away that night. Watch out for guys who have huge egos and are just on there to talk about how amazing they are. Whatever you do, don't message back the guy who's profile picture is just a picture of his abs. He's the definition of a douchebag. I promise.
I've had friends who met their significant other from dating websites. I think they are great for people who don't go to bars or parties and don't have the time to go out and try to meet someone.
When you start talking to a guy you really like, whatever you do, do not start talking about your ex. That's only expectable if he asks or you'll just seem emotionally unavailable for him. Make sure you check to see how tall he is, because one date I went on I decided to go out and buy a new pair of wedges to wear and when that guy showed up at my door, he was shorter than me....without the wedges on. I felt like the jolly green giant. Don't base guys off of looks alone. Most of the "male model" looking guys on those websites are womanizers. I'm not judging. I just know by experience.
If you don't find your soul mate in the first week, don't freak out. Sometimes things like that take time.
Keep your head, heels, and standards high.